The First Yes.
Being a mom has always been absolutely terrifying to me. The idea of having the responsibility at all times to not break a live tiny human is slightly overwhelming. I also know how much life changes - & I really love our life. It's filled with the best people on the planet, & we get to do whatever we want at any hour we want because we don't have any tiny diva humans that bind you to their schedule. Maybe that sounds a bit selfish, but hey I promised transparency here. Another reason for hesitancy: I really love sleep. From the way existing moms talk, I believe my good sleeping days are numbered. I don't function very well without a quality 7 hours. You moms might be giving me a headshake & quiet, inaudible chuckle right now, but I am legitimately concerned for that area of my life.
Even though I've always had a hesitation to entering parenthood since being married, I've known that foster care was a space that Jesus has been tenderly nudging me to step into. I just didn’t realize that it would be so soon. If you know me, you are well aware that I was adamant about not starting a family until I was at least 30 (I’m 27). Pedro had different opinions, but I had the powers to veto. Well, about six months ago is when this whole process started. I was told by some great friends (who, by the way, are the Gospel in the flesh & a beautiful example of family but we will get to that in a later post) about a woman they knew who was pregnant & unsure if the child would remain in her care. Thoughts started swarming my mind & something inside me said, “why don’t we offer to care for the child?” The other part of me responded with: "WHAT. I’m only 27. I’ve still got at least three years to not be a mom. That’s insanity." But the initial thought wouldn’t go away.
There was a percentage of me that wanted to say yes that I couldn’t figure out, but there was also a percentage of me that wanted to take a hard pass. It was difficult to distinguish which percentage was higher at the time so there was not a chance that I was going to speak aloud the percentage of me that wanted to say yes. That was scary & vulnerable & I couldn’t put those formation of letters back into my mouth once they were given life. Well, I texted Pedro the whole story a few minutes later & he shot back with, “let’s take it.” A. For real, that’s what he said. B. It sounded like we were considering a new dishwasher purchase. C. I was freaking out.
I called Pedro to make sure he was kidding. He was not. We hashed out all of the reasons why & why not. There were more reasons why & they were a lot less selfish than the reasons why not to be honest. This is about the time that I realized that my “yes” percentage was maybe slightly higher than the “no” because I didn’t hate the idea. Besides, it wasn’t even a for sure thing – this was all speculation. Soon after that conversation, we told our friends that we would be willing to take the dishwasher if available. Turned out that it wasn’t & the reaction I had to that news was highly unexpected. I thought that I would move on & keep on with our life that I loved so much. Well, God is funny that way I guess. I wasn’t quite as nonchalant about the outcome as I had planned to be. My heart was feeling things like disappointment & sadness, longing & desire, but I wasn’t sure where that came from. Looking back, I know that the Lord was preparing my heart to give my first yes. Even when my default was to say no. I know now that it was God who was working to align my heart with His timing. I wanted more time to prepare, more time to think, more time for my beautiful, childless life. However, that’s not what God had in mind & I began to become more & more clear of that. He reminded me of the nudge that was now feeling like a blow to the back. His faithfulness holds. I prayed for heart alignment & within a matter of a couple weeks, I went from eating avocado toast at brunch with the girls to searching for used mini-vans. Just kidding – I’ll never drive a mini-van. Mark my words.
I’m thankful that Pedro was brave enough to speak aloud the first yes. I’m confident that we would not be patiently waiting on the final approval & then a phone call right now if it was not for him doing so. He let me know that saying yes was crazy, but it was worth it. That saying yes was us stepping out into a bigger faith. That saying yes was telling Jesus that we trusted Him. That saying yes was right for us. After lots of prayer & conversation, we decided to start the meticulous process of becoming foster parents. Stacks on stacks on stacks of paperwork, buying a fire extinguisher, assembling child proof locks, & home studies later, here were are: waiting on a live tiny human to enter our home. I could not be more excited for this season of life to begin - among other emotions that I can't quite name. The mere thought of holding a sweet babe in my arms makes me grin from ear to ear & every mom/baby pair in public almost brings me to tears. All because of Pedro had the guts to say the first yes.
-c
