A Thank You: To Those Who Chose To Stay

We entered in knowing full well what was ahead. We knew the joy that would come. We knew the pain was inevitable. We knew the uncertainty of the life we were stepping into. At least, we imagined we did. And we decided to more forward anyways. We willfully went through the long process of answering every detail about our lives since birth, being poked & prodded with tests after tests, & welcoming someone into our home to nitpick it into perfection. We prepared a great deal.

But most of the people in our life didn’t ask to be a part of this messy space called foster care. They certainly didn’t prepare like we did. But there they were - watching us & then making a choice. Most could have chosen to stay where they were before, just far enough away for a Facebook “like” on occasion. Most could have slowly drifted away and into new friend groups. Most could have had an easy out if they wanted.

“We live too far to really be invested.”

“Our kids’ schedules are too crazy.”

“We don’t have the time.”

“We aren’t financially stable.”

These are all plausible reasons we would have understood. Yes, we would have caught on eventually, but we probably would have gotten it. While we anticipated some to distance themselves, what we’ve found is this: we have people who didn’t plan for this, didn’t prepare for it at all, but have chosen to stay & have provided immeasurably more to us & our kids than we could have ever dreamed or imagined.

We simply cannot adequately put into words the gratitude we feel towards our tribe - the ones who chose to stay & the ones who came closer.

To our family: you were over the moon when we told you we were becoming a family. It was unconventional, but you didn’t seem to mind. You shared in our excitement & anxiousness even if what you’d dreamed wasn’t exactly aligning with reality. You jumped on board quickly & created grandparent names & bought necessary items, threw a shower & joined us in prayer. You waited with us & then when kids started joining our family for a season, you fully gave yourselves. You poured out every ounce of love your body had to give. You still do. We were & are in awe & humbled by your presence & your time.

I can clearly remember our first Christmas as foster parents - we had 11 & 9 year old sisters join us for the holidays - the oldest we had cared for by far. They came to us on December 23rd - short notice for Christmas gatherings. The girls had gifts to open from each family member just like they had been a part all along like the rest of the grandkids, nieces, & nephews. My grandma was in charge of making homemade biscuits Christmas morning and had both girls in the kitchen teaching them every step & allowing their little hands move the dough around alongside her. She never made it apparent that they were the “foster” kids. This Christmas was no different. We had a sibling set of 3 join us on the 14th & texts flooded my inbox with questions like, “how old? Names? What do they like? What would they want?” and statements like, “I was hoping they would be coming!” Cousins rocking our girls to sleep, uncles throwing the football around with the oldest, & new stockings hung with their favorite things. Family, you have no idea what a gift that is to our hearts. Tears well up remembering all the ways you were not reluctant, but rather just said “yes” right along with us. Thank you.

To our friends: you were just as excited as our family. You have claimed the titles of “aunts & uncles” & you rock them. You have become chefs & delivered home-cooked meals during the craziness of the first few days of receiving a placement. You have willingly stepped into difficult conversations with your children - having to navigate hard questions with not so innocent answers. You have called & texted & prayed hard. Some of you have even given me the space to ugly cry with you & let out all of the emotions that are too dark & scary to put on Facebook. You have dug a well of wisdom for us to retrieve from at any hour. You have played legos, raced cars, contributed to a Barbie plot line, listened to endless descriptions of Pokémon characters, watched the same gymnastics skills 147 times & cheered as if you were watching Gabby Douglas win gold every time. Thank you.

I want you to know that we know it’s hard for you too. We know that you feel the heavy & you keep choosing to stay in it with us despite maybe wanting to avoid it at times. We see you actively taking roles & making choices to change a child’s story. We see you not always noticing the fruit. We see you championing us. We see you. So, thank you. Thank you from the deepest part of us. From the two of us & the 21 of our foster loves, thank you.

This life - not just the foster care one, but this whole life - was never intended to be done alone. We are better together & we are better when anchored to Jesus. Let us point one another back to Him daily & let us cheer on & love & hold our people until it’s time to go Home. I believe this is where we find the Kingdom of Heaven here on Earth.

-C