4-1=3
One of the best pieces of advice about foster care I’ve ever been given came from an episode of “This Is Us.” Never anticipate how a single day will end. Today, we’re feeling those words. We woke up as a family of 4 & will be falling asleep as a family of 3. Baby J reunified with her birth parents today at court. We knew this would happen fairly soon, but we certainly weren’t expecting it to be today - so much so, that Pedro didn’t even come to court. He presumed both Baby J & I would walk back through our doors in time for dinner. In fact, we had the night planned out: Grill out in the backyard while we took turns holding J & watching L splash around in the kiddie pool. As I write, I sit thanking God for His provision. Last week, we were able to meet her birth parents at court. I had the privilege of sitting back & letting her mom take over being mom for a couple of hours. It was a really beautiful thing. Hard at times if I’m honest - parts of me wanted to adjust the swaddle or tell her it that this is when I usually burp her. But I kept quiet - remembering that I am no where close to an expert on being a mom. I remembered that just because her way is different doesn’t make it wrong - it’s just as much a “mama’s way” as mine. Leaving court that day, Pedro & I both felt a peace about J’s future. Her parents love her deeply & are more than capable parents. They just needed some short term help. Court ended up being reset to today, so leaving last week was a bit frustrating simply out of selfish inconvenience. However, last week was needed. Before then, I don’t think it would have been so peaceful pulling out of the parking lot with an empty car seat this afternoon. But God gave us those precious moments of watching last week. I think I’d be in a much different place mentally right now if we didn’t have those to cling to. But God. He’s good. Always faithful. Always wise & generous in what we need. Always has our best interest at heart. Even in the times that seem inconvenient, He is actively working on something for our good. Our hearts are sad because J has a piece of us now, for the confusion it might bring L, & that no one had a chance to say bye, but they are also ecstatic for J’s family. They are whole again. They are reconciled back to the way God designed it to be. This is foster care - the constant tension of conflicting truths. It’s messy & broken & confusing at times, but worth it every single time. Tonight, we did all we planned to do except for taking turns snuggling J. While I’d love to be doing that too, I’m thankful God allowed the rest to happen.
-C